Winner!

Thank you so much Abbie for the forward! This is a good laugh.

Source: The Philippine Star, Sunday Lifestyle section (June 12, 2005)
Author: Letty Jacinto-Lopez

Excuse notes from parents (including original spelling) collected by schools from all-over the US, together with the author's comments . These were e-mailed to her by her sister-in-law.

My son is under a doctor's care and should not take PE today. Please execute him. (O diba? Pinapapatay yung anak nya?)
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Please excuse lIsa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot. (Eto pang isa! Pag nag-absent pala, papatayin ka!)
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Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33. (O, nadagdagan ang araw!)
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Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating. (Ano daw?)
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Please excuse Roland from PE for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip. (Hanapin natin!)
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John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face. (Bwehehehe... La ako masabi!)
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Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins. (Buti pa veins niya, close sila.) (translation: very close veins = varicose veins)
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Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side. (Sa Pinas, hectare...)
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Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels. (Ah... eh... i... ow... u...)
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Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had diahre dyrea direathe the shits. (Sinabi na kasi LBM na lang e. Pasosyal pa kasi.)
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Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust. (So, transsexual pala si Irving?)
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I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping becuase I don't know what size she wear. (Ano ba naman yan? Di alam ang size ng anak nya!)
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Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral. (Ala e! Mabuhay ang patay!)
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Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well. (Stud service ba yung school nya?)
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Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover. (Ay grabe! Iba na talaga ang mga kabataan ngayon.)
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Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night. (Hahaha, telenovela...bow. Makuwento sya ha.)
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Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday. (Winner ito! Ang galing! Pwede rin kaya sa office ito? What do you think?)