Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Everyday Drama

I never really talked about my emotions in this blog. I made it a personal rule to reserve all my melodrama in the other blog which I have been thinking of deleting. But rules are meant to be broken, and I don't even know why I'm typing away.

I have been thinking happy thoughts lately. Going back to work made me forget I had problems. You may find it funny, but I think the gravity of my problems are directly proportional to the amount of clutter I have in my room (and, judging by the looks of my sanctuary called mess, go figure). But somehow, the passed few weeks have distracted me from overanalyzing myself like I usually do and kept me smiling without me realizing it. It's a nice feeling though, because I do tend to pressure myself with the demands of others, despite the fact that I believe that I can't please everybody.

I also realized that it is only me and Chiara in my high school barkada who's currently single. I would tease her that at least I have experienced being in a relationship. But I do miss the feeling of falling in love, and I am priviliged enough to experience it a few times in my life. Chiara Daah-ling, imagine how our Tagaytay trip would've gone if I brought a boyfriend too!

A friend of mine named Mark did tell me that I do tend to pick the wrong men. But who are the wrong men anyway? Anybody who is not your ideal or someone else's? As the cliche goes, how can something so wrong feel so right. I personally find it more noble to fall for someone for their flaws since it takes a greater amount of love to fall for that person's imperfections. I am guilty of that. Historically speaking, I'm always like that.

Heck, what was my point?!

No matter how much I get hurt, I find myself being incredibly resilient when I get myself on my feet. I do miss being with someone. I never found myself saying, "I miss being single." Oh boy, I just realized that my last real date was ages ago. Not to brag, but I remember a time I had 6 dates in a week. And FYI, I didn't count... someone took the liberty of doing so the moment I became single a year ago, which eventually ended up being one of those 6 dates that week. Hay naku... men and the things you do to try to get a girl. Well, 5 out of 6 of them were jerks anyway. I'd rather have a date to remember once a year rather than a gazillion trillion million forgettables in a month.

I'm proud of myself for one thing though. Friendship is something that I will never again take for granted. I chose a boyfriend over a friend once. Come to think of it, twice. I had no regrets then. But I do now. Somehow I find myself happy just being with the company of friends and I can't believe I missed out on all that fun. I'm never taking my friends for granted like that again. Ever.


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