Saturday, December 31, 2005

2005 -- The Best Worst Year of My Life

Despite the emotional damage that this year had given me, if I can turn back time, I will not change anything. It was great. If all those things never happened, I'm probably gonna be the most boring, apathetic, introverted loser in the world.

Things that I have learned this year:

On Friendship:
- Be patient, shit happens, and things could have been worse.
- Choose your friends.
- Never take your friends for granted, even if your boyfriend tells you not to see them again because they're jealous.

On Love and Relationships:
- I found out that I can still love someone else.
- You cannot stop the heart from choosing, it just does, despite the imperfections that it sees.
- I have to stop getting myself into EXTREMELY complicated situations.

On My Life:
- Well, it may be perfect for some. Pointless for others. But its mine and its time that I do something about my life now.
- I have a problem that does not involve anyone but myself. A big one.

Ergo... I'll have a different blog starting next year, which is in less than an hour. It's part of my New Year's Resolution. Whether or not I will still continue updating this one is still a mystery at this point. It will depend on the outcome of my new life project which involves taking control. I named it Clearing the Clutttered Life.

Monday, December 26, 2005

My first blog rant

Can somebody tell me what kind of a friend in their right mind would spread rumors that I'm hitting on their husband?! EXCUSE ME!!! Kahit libag ko hindi papatol sa asawa mo noh!!!

Breathe, LJ... breathe...

I'm good... Carry on, carry on. I just had to let that out of my system.

On a different note, is it just me or does anybody else feel like not taking a bath this Christmas? ANG LAMIG!!!

Hope you guys had a great holiday. Despite everything, I had a good one.

Happy thoughts, happy thoughts. :-)

Sunday, December 25, 2005

My Christmas Wish

A friend recently asked me what I would give myself for Christmas. I stopped asking for gifts years ago. Somehow material things didn't matter anymore. I said:

"My gift to myself is to try to make myself happy this Christmas."

A lot of things have been bothering me lately. Family, friends... mostly family. Well... mostly mom actually. I tried to get into the Christmas spirit, so I planned out a little something that I would do for my family and friends. Well, it didn't push through. Don't ask, just felt like it.

A few days before what used to be my favorite day of the year, I felt that this year's Christmas would be the saddest one in 22 years. On Christmas Eve, we had our usual turkey dinner with other stuff. I cooked the turkey as usual (since mom had had it when she always try to cook it -- it always turned out tough or raw). Mom was telling me to divide the ham into three portions to be stored in the fridge, which I thought was pointless. Nobody was even at the dinner table at the same time. My younger brother, Abie, was watching TV in the living room. My sister, Joan, was in her room finishing her cross-stitching project for school. My special brother, Mickey, was walking in and out of the house as usual. Dad and I were pretty much the only two people stationary at the table, while mom was moving in and out the kitchen.

Nobody even greeted anybody "Merry Christmas." I thought, that was it. This IS the saddest Christmas ever.

I had to go out.

I met up with DJ, texted Andy and "kidnapped" Mimi. Somehow I felt better being with a group of people who sort of felt the same way as I did about this year's Christmas. It was my first Christmas Eve not spent entirely at home. We tried to make the most out of it. We went to our usual hangout place, Select (yes, as in the convenient store in Shell gas station), and bought some beer (I don't really drink but I felt like it). Later on, two of our other hangout buddies came, Jomar and Ian. So there we were, greeting each other "Merry Christmas" while drinking beer, sharing jokes, talking about the upcoming World Pyro Olympics and aphrodisiacs (don't really remember how that got in the picture).

Somehow I wasn't sad anymore.

On the way home, I caught myself smiling. Maybe I was wrong about this year's Christmas... because I still found the time to think of the non-worldly things that I have. Mom and I may have our issues, but I guess we have this unwritten agreement that we can fight like sisters but still act like best friends.

Well, I guess I did get my Christmas gift after all.

Merry Christmas! :-)